Sheepish check-in
I have been away so long that I hardly know what to say! I have been so busy that I feel like I've hardly been able to come up for air. My first 90 days of work is officially over! Can you believe it? In some ways it feels like I just started working yesterday, and in other ways it feels like forever. Every day I feel more confident in what I know, but that seems to be followed by an onslaught of things that make no sense at all. I guess that's a good thing because I'm beginning to see that I'll never get bored. No matter how busy or overwhelmed I get, I'm finding that I never dread going in to work each day and at the end of the day there's such a feeling of contentment. Some aspects of my job push me out of my comfort zone (like today - I jumped in the car and drove into the heart of Orlando, and even with my GPS I managed to get lost at least twice) but many other things harmonize so completely with who I am that I just have to pinch myself...
Emotionally, this is the season that hits us the hardest. Every time I catch that "whiff" of Christmas on the horizon, my heart sort of catches a bit and I have to try not to lose myself in the wave of sadness that follows. I tend to cry a very tiny bit every day on the way to or from work (or both) when I'm listening to music. John has been doing pretty well, but he was hit hard just the other day by a tidal wave of grief. That is our way... I eke my grief out in steady little increments while John either has blue skies or a tsunami. Ethan has been doing well. I've just noticed that he's been talking a lot more about Ellie over the past few weeks. It's like our psyches are somehow pre-programmed to feel Ellie more during this season even when we aren't looking for it.
Thank you so much for your patience with my lack of posting. I haven't meant to stay away so long. I feel like I'm always working or catching up on home stuff or relaxing and recharging for the next day's work... it's a never ending cycle! I will try to check in more often.
I hope that you are all doing well and looking forward to a special Thanksgiving with family and friends! I am so thankful for you all!!
posted @ 7:46 PM
9 Comments:
good to hear from you - we both recently had an "Ellie" moment looking at one of the goats she named for us - thinking how there are no holidays in heaven - she doesn't have to "wait" for special - every moment is. We think of your family and pray for all of you -- thank you so much for allowing us to see a tiny part of your lives. Hug Ethan for us - bet he is growing up fast. Haven't finished our bath renovation but Skip works when he feels up to it - going to be beautiful - bought the dark walnut hardwood floors last week! Woo Hoo!
Dear Sarah and family,
I know I keep reading and praying for your family but admit.... I haven't posted a comment in like forever either!!! Maybe "WE" (your readers) should remember to reply and post a comment so this is just not one way communication!
This is what was pressed on my heart today reading this post. I guess convicted of waiting and reading your posts but not reciprocating!!
I will also tell you I think of you and your family, yes Ellie too a lot. When I have days where I feel tell the kids, just a minute.. then I think... you better go pay attention to them 100%... then my heart aches for you and i lift you in prayer. I cannot imagine your heart and head and the feelings that over flow.
Your family's experience has taught me to embrace today more.
You and your husband have reminded me and my husband to stay communicating our head/hearts/feelings.. we are ONE and if we don't communicate, then the enemy has divided part or all of us.
Your son has given me a window to my kid's relationship. Their bond and feelings. They are siblings no doubt, but in it all like us adults too, we love each other and that is above all.
and sweet Ellie keeps teaching us too to Love, Enjoy and embrace God and the life he's blessed us with... no matter what the time frame here on earth, we are free to choose the gift of eternal life with HIM. and we are hand picked and selected by Him with our families here on earth and we are blessed even through the hardest times and especialy during the joyous moments too!
Thank you for staying faithful to us who read and pray. You could easily say, "i'm closing the blog..." or something, but i personally admit i look for a post to see how you are.. to pray for you as a child of God, a wife, a mother, and an online friend.
I pray for your grief to be transformed somehow, i don't have the solution and pray God does and reveals it in a way for you three. But then I dont know... My mom passed in Nov 2006 at 62 years old and admit it was harder this year than any other. So for me time isn't healing, it's harder, but with that I keep giving it to God and with God's help and the help of my immediate and extended family, I am reminded I'll spend eternity with her and our Lord in time.
You are loved by many and I know it doesn't bring Ellie back here. IMO like Jesus... Ellie LIVES, she's living with the King! so the challenge is faith. I am challenged to pour my sorrow and grief into my faith for God and then through that process, I get more encouraged of our life/time after this life/time!
I'm encouraged by your honesty and being real. You have been that since i started reading. I pray you get more resposes from 'us readers' and it's only fair for us to be transparent to you too!
*HUGS*
Jackie and fam
Chad's family and us share the same church in mayport.
You are not forgotten... praying especially for you at this time of year.
NTMer in the UK
Good to hear from you; will read post later.
Baaah for now.
Agapé
I too am so thankful for you and your family. You have taught me alot. You are the most honest person and always let us know just how you are feeling. I think of you guys often and me too as Christmas approaches I think of you even more. Thanks for remembering us out here in the computer world and letting us know how you are doing. Praying for you and your family. Love- Allison
Hi Sarah,
It's good to have your update.
Out of your comfort zone... hmmmm; yes. I too have found my global position to be uncomfortable at times... Thank God for The Pilot.
I hope your Thanksgiving Day was as good as mine.
Agapé
We made a Christmas ornament several years ago, when the Sumralls asked us to pray for Ellie. We printed her beautiful picture out and laminated it as an ornament, reminding us throughout the month of December to pray for her and your family.
We continue to put her special ornament up each year, and hope it is encouraging to your family to know that she and all of you are being remembered!
May our loving God help you, comfort you and keep you during this bittersweet holiday season.
Love,
Debi Hall and family
from NC
Hi Sarah:
So glad you love your job. Also that three months has really flown by. The first anniversary of Glen's death was two weeks ago. I had all sorts of ideas of how I planned to remember him, but friends kept me busy. Since there are no such things as accidents, I suppose that is the way God planned it. So much has happened in the last three months(maybe that's why it seems like your three months at work have flown by. I think of you often.
Ellie Strunk
Debi has a great idea! I want an Ellie ornament! Hmm, I figure out how to make one. Maybe Ellie on one side and the four of you on the other. Perfect!
jackie
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