Reflections...

... on being a year older. Today I turn 37. I almost didn't post today, but I have this need to somehow mark the special days in life. And if I'm totally honest, I still feel like a little girl who just loves her birthday. I always have and I just don't seem to be growing out of it!

I was thinking back to how I felt when I turned 21. I was so happy because that was the day that John and I got engaged. We went and picked up my engagement ring just before my party and I was able to show it off to all of the family gathered. I think of how I have changed from that girl. At that time I don't think that I fully understood how flawed I really was, but at the same time I wasn't very confident. I have to admit that even 30 pounds heavier and 16 years worth of "character" added to my face, I am much more content with myself now. I think that the biggest difference is that then I was becoming who I was, but now I know who I am. I know that I am completely and hopelessly flawed, but completely and eternally loved. I don't live with the kind of fear that I used to. Then, I had a very real sense of God and His ability to help in times of need, but now I know God. On a physical level, now I know that outer beauty is so much more than fitting into a size 6 jeans. I think, and hope, that I have found the balance between accepting the things that I can't change (or can't change without astronomical effort) and making the most of what I have, and have learned how to project on the outside the me that lives on the inside. Everyone knows that women strive to be beautiful. We are known for picking ourselves apart and trying to look "perfect." But I don't think that's it. I think that what most women want, is to look in the mirror and say "this is the real me." Because the perfectly proportioned, thin, young women out there often don't feel as beautiful as, well... I do.

Now I've left myself very little time go get ready for work... Oh well. Today I'm going to step out of character a bit and wear comfortable shoes. It's my birthday and I intend to feel good and be happy! :-) I have too many hours on the clock this week so I actually get to go in late (after meeting John for breakfast) and get off early! I get to have lunch with a good friend. And I get to top off the day by going out to Mom and Gary's tonight for dinner with the family. What a happy, happy day!