Re: Your Comments!
Thank you all for the comments on the last post... your encouragement does wonders for my spirit! It was a little draining to see it all laid out from beginning to so-called end. It still feels like we have many miles left to go, but hopefully more behind than ahead... hopefully.
One good question was posed about Ellie having completed 10 of the 14 radiation treatments to her head. Giving Ellie the remaining 4 treatments this far past the previous 10 would not gain any real positive results - the whole point of the excercise is the cumulative effect of all 14 treatments in close succession. And re-doing all 14 would be too dangerous given the fact that she has had 10 already. At least that's my understanding of it - I hope it makes sense.
And to the Buhls in Texas: Ellie says that it would be great to have a baby goat named after her. (She was quite pleased!) She has requested a picture "but only once it has fur on it". (Then she amended it to a request for one picture before and one after the fur is on it.) I'm sure that you can tell by that comment that she is not a country girl!
And in other news... Ellie has a friend! There is a new girl and her mom - new to Sloan Kettering and to the house. Also new to cancer. Her cancer is different than Ellie's, but similar (if not greater) in severity. They live directly across the hall from us. The little girl is 10. Ellie is in seventh heaven having a girl close to her age to play with. At this time I don't feel free to give out any information - even first names of the girl and her mother - as they are very private in sharing (even to their own close family members). They are from another country and English is not their first language (their fourth language, actually) but they get along wonderfully, I think. The mother is exactly my age and today I discovered that we met our husbands the same year - half a world apart. Her husband and younger daugther have not come here yet. When I see people like this, I feel like such a wimp. I have the gall to actually feel tired and overwhelmed when I have my husband with me and share the same language with my docors, and have a home only a few hours by plane away. Of all the nerve! This is a new experience for me, as I have been very leery about getting too close to people here - really letting them in. I've felt as if my heart cannot take getting too personally involved with other's pain. But as the days pass, this family is getting in. In spite of my guarded heart and in spite of the language barrier... they are becomming close. I will just have to leave my heart in God's keeping and trust that He will take care of it. Even though I get scared and want to hide in my room sometimes, there has been a certain amout of comfort for me in the friendship already. Sometimes we have to resort to careful explanations and gesturing to express ourselves, but other times we can say a lot with one look... Sometimes words are not required - we look at our little girls when they are too tired to play and are just reclining near each other and we simply know. And I am hoping that in God's perfect time and way, He might use us to convey some of His comfort to this precious family.
Thank you all again for praying and standing with us in such love and care. This whole thing is dragging on so long... I can't help but wonder how you are able to stay with us and not grow weary in your love and prayers. It just seems like too much. I know that you have lives of your own and I'm sure do not enjoy being reminded constantly of pain and suffering (especially in a child). I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am touched by your faithfulness. I know my own selfish heart and how easy it would be, were I in your shoes, to simply close my eyes and forget... And yet you don't. I am overwhelmed. We are so blessed.