We will always remember Ellie for her love for others, her creativity, sensitivity, and delight in life! Ellie's light has spread far and wide... may it continue to shine in our hearts.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

God is Ever Faithful

Hi everyone! I am so sorry I haven't been updating much lately, and when I have, it's been with few words. I guess I'm just in a strange sort of place these days... It's hard to explain, really. But I will try.

I think that the feeling pendulum has been swinging from one direction to another rather drastically. I seem to go from feeling totally fine to completely undone - and then back again. It's confusing. And frustrating. And I'm back to the place where there are too many feelings and not enough words. Finally, God led me to a couple of websites of women who have lost children, and He has used them to speak to my heart in a most unexpected way. Our experiences of loss have been completely different, and yet in some ways totally the same. One woman lost her baby girl at birth and the other one lost her young daughter in a drowning accident. God has used their blogs to weave together their own precious stories with His living Word in a way that has touched me deeply. In this time of my life when my own words seem to fail me, God is giving me His own words, and the words of these other mothers to encourage my heart most profoundly. He has shown me that I can love and miss Ellie fully without living in self pity. That I can let Him use my suffering to take me to deeper places with Him. That I can't live in hiding from life forever. I have to admit that it's been a painful process. But God has been so faithful to work on my heart, piece by broken piece...

Thank you for your patience with me. For some reason it has been really hard for me to put my heart out there for all to see right now. The process these days has been, not only painful, but so personal... The last couple of posts have been just to put something out there to maybe give a clue as to my feelings. I will probably continue putting songs on that have either been an encouragement, or have been ones I've listened to over and over during my times of self-pity or sadness. (For those of you on facebook, I have a whole playlist full of these songs on my profile.) I do still want to include you all in my life and thoughts, and I just want to thank you for waiting and praying through these times of silence. Please keep praying.


At 7:42 PM, Blogger Kerry said...

Have you read Bring the Rain? (http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/) Sooo good.

Praying for you!

At 7:47 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

I check back often to see if you have a new blog. Your a strong woman, I admire your strength. God has his arms wrapped around you always.

At 9:45 PM, Blogger sumi said...

HUGS, Sarah.

I am struggling with words at the moment too. I long to share some things but I am starting to realise that some people just.don't.get.it. I am afraid of putting it all out there and being misunderstood.

This is such a personal journey. There are soooo many factors that affect the way people grieve and there is nothing straightforward about it.

Anyway, I am rambling, and it is YOUR blog!

I am praying for you, that you will meet Jesus in your undone places and that he will hold you in his arms and bind you up. (Hosea 6)

At 5:35 AM, Blogger LindaSueBuhl said...

You are doing fine - none of us expect you to "entertain" us when we visit here - to know that you are breathing in and out, Ethan and John and the adventures of Montana go on and you know we are out here - willing to pray and support you all. I highly recommend finding a youtube video of Bobby McFerrin's "Don't worry be happy" and boogey up a storm with Ethan - I've scared the crud out of my dogs doing that lately!

At 7:36 AM, Blogger siscaboo said...



Thank you for sharing your heart. I have for the last hour been reading over your blog, to learn about Ellie. She was oh so precious.

Sumi said it right, some people just dont get it. And it is hard to keep sharing because people just don't.

I found you through Sumi.

I will be praying for you. And please keep sharing.

At 9:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 9:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for taking time to share your heart & thoughts. Something that was special to me during a time of grief - when I could not tell what I was feeling, Jesus knew my heart & thoughts without me ever having to say a word! :) I am so thankful that He knows our thoughts, because His hope & comfort can fill our hearts in just the right way.
Keep leaning on Him - rest in His arms & may He comfort you with peace past understanding! Tabitha

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Allison said...

I keep you in my prayers often. Like I have told you many of times when I have left you a comment, I feel as though I know you personally and I check your blog often. You are always so honest with your feelings and you challenge me with my own walk with the Lord. Many prayers. Allison

At 11:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Sarah,

As your friend, I don't have any expectations of how you should act or be or communicate. I can only try to imagine what the last 7+ months has been like for a mother who has lost her only daughter. I know that only God can put the pieces back together again. I am glad God has led you to others who can encourage you in ways that so many of us can't. I am always here to be your friend no matter how you are feeling. We are praying for your hurting family and think of Ellie often. Love Sheri

At 9:30 AM, Blogger zanesmommy said...

Thank you for your posts. I am also struggling with the ups and downs of emotions of loosing someone so precious. I have good days and bad. I too have found the two blogs that you mentioned helpful (along with yours). It is so hard to put your feelings in words, especially when you don't want to burden your friends with the "here we go again" that the devil leads us to believe they will feel. I have come to know that not to be true and that God gave us those friends to share our burdens.
Today I realized even more the sacrifice that God gave us with Jesus. I could not imagine freely giving Micah's life over to anyone else. But He gave us Jesus because He wanted a relationship with us. It does not change the hurt and pain but it helps me know that He has experienced it too. (Hebrews 7)

I will continue to pray that God showers you with His grace and healing.

At 4:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Sarah,
I can't remember if I have commented before or not. I had a stroke last year so I forget stuff. Even if I never commented I was praying for Ellie constantly since she received her Diagnosis. I am a friend of Kim's. Our kids were in co-op together. I read your blog and loved seeing Ellie's pictures and smiles. I think you are such a special lady. I'm so glad you found my friend Sumi. I would be honored to help with your quilt if you ever visit Kim. I'm a marginal seamtress but I'd love to help. Maybe we could even meet Sumi and have a quilting circle if you are ever in this neck of the woods.

At 9:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

checking in just to let you know we haven't forgotten and still think and pray for you and your family...


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