God is Ever Faithful
Hi everyone! I am so sorry I haven't been updating much lately, and when I have, it's been with few words. I guess I'm just in a strange sort of place these days... It's hard to explain, really. But I will try.
I think that the feeling pendulum has been swinging from one direction to another rather drastically. I seem to go from feeling totally fine to completely undone - and then back again. It's confusing. And frustrating. And I'm back to the place where there are too many feelings and not enough words. Finally, God led me to a couple of websites of women who have lost children, and He has used them to speak to my heart in a most unexpected way. Our experiences of loss have been completely different, and yet in some ways totally the same. One woman lost her baby girl at birth and the other one lost her young daughter in a drowning accident. God has used their blogs to weave together their own precious stories with His living Word in a way that has touched me deeply. In this time of my life when my own words seem to fail me, God is giving me His own words, and the words of these other mothers to encourage my heart most profoundly. He has shown me that I can love and miss Ellie fully without living in self pity. That I can let Him use my suffering to take me to deeper places with Him. That I can't live in hiding from life forever. I have to admit that it's been a painful process. But God has been so faithful to work on my heart, piece by broken piece...
Thank you for your patience with me. For some reason it has been really hard for me to put my heart out there for all to see right now. The process these days has been, not only painful, but so personal... The last couple of posts have been just to put something out there to maybe give a clue as to my feelings. I will probably continue putting songs on that have either been an encouragement, or have been ones I've listened to over and over during my times of self-pity or sadness. (For those of you on facebook, I have a whole playlist full of these songs on my profile.) I do still want to include you all in my life and thoughts, and I just want to thank you for waiting and praying through these times of silence. Please keep praying.