We will always remember Ellie for her love for others, her creativity, sensitivity, and delight in life! Ellie's light has spread far and wide... may it continue to shine in our hearts.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

And the grief process continues...

Ethan came up to me today and said "Mom, I want to be alone because I miss Ellie. My heart is breaking. There's a crack going down and over to the left. Tomorrow the crack will open up." So there you have it. Hearts are breaking, and in very specific places, I might add!

Yesterday we tortured ourselves with pictures of Ellie's last day, as well as pictures of her after she had already died. It was a good thing to do, but still very heavy. We ended up discussing every aspect of that last day, from what Ellie said to what drugs and remedies were given. All in all it was a very productive thing to do, but it did leave John feeling pretty sad at work today. (Ethan did not see the pictures, but we are glad that we have them to show him someday when he is ready and wanting that. We have some really special shots of Ethan hugging Ellie's body and kissing her face.)

Today Belinda, Melanie, Loretta and I sewed on the quilt of Ellie's clothes while Reni worked on the computer and we all watched "Pride and Prejudice". It was such a nice day! The quilt is coming along beautifully. I can't wait to show you pictures!


At 10:58 PM, Blogger Tonya said...


I'm sorry that you guys were having "one of those days." You never really see them coming do you? I know we sure don't.

I was going to write you tonight to tell you that I'd made a click-able link for the Band of Parents website (for my blog). Unfortunately, I've lost your email address. (Yes, I'd lose my head if it weren't attached) O:-)

Anyway, I've added the "logo" to my blog. If you like it and want the code for your blog just email me. (That way I'll actually be able to EMAIL YOU BACK!) :0)

I hope tomorrow is a better day..


At 1:51 AM, Blogger Kimberley said...

Hello dear,

I've been reading for a while and well I feel now is the right time to come out of the closet, so to speak, and say Hi!

I found your blog randomly over a year ago, and have been faithfully checking in ever since. Despite never noting, I think of your family often - and truly wish you comfort as you continue to live your new "normal" without Ellie.

Anyway - much love and support from England. Give that gorgeous Ethan and his aching heart a big cuddle on my behalf. YOu and JOhn are awesome parents, and it is clear that because of this Ethan feels comfortable talking about his feelings and his moments of sadness with you.

Take care!


At 12:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Our hearts ache for you and all we can offer is our love and most important our prayers to the Lord. To surround you with peace and hold you close to his chest. Thank you for posting even when you hurt the most.. We love you dear Sister!!

Praying For You Today,
The Haviland's

At 10:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your little Ethan is such a sweetie! I just think that going through this has created such a huge heart in him! We pray for you regularly, and know you will have these days. You know there is a piece of your heart in heaven, and so you will never see life on earth the same way.

At 2:13 PM, Anonymous Lauren said...

there's nothing like the annual watching of P&P with your girlfriends, right? can't wait to see the quilt...

love you guys!


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