Another Good Day...
I am pleased to report that Ellie had a very good day today (Monday)! The moment her eyes opened this morning, she literally popped out of bed and ran into the kitchen with John. After some whispering and rustling around, Ellie proudly presented me with a cup of coffee in bed! Her smile lit up the room. She then disappeared again in a fit of giggles...some more rustling and carrying on, then she hopped into bed with me when John produced a piece of toast (that she had helped with) for me, and a cup of chicken soup for Ellie (her request). She wanted to make sure that I had my coffee first so that I could "wake up a little before eating." Once breakfast was finished and John had gone to work, Ellie again jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen. This time she emerged with a full glass of milk for me. She drug a stool from her bedroom and got my vitamins out of the cabinet, then I watched in amazement as she got another glass out for my water. (I had wondered how she got the first glass out of the cupboard for my milk.) She went to the corner of the countertop, put a hand on either side and hoisted herself up onto the counter. Then she crawled across the counter to the right cabinet and opened the door over her head (still on all fours). She reached all the way to the top shelf and got out a big glass and set it on the counter, then hopped down. I guess she thought I needed some TLC today or something.
...She was right. I had another meltdown today. I hate it when that happens, but I guess it's necessary from time to time. I think that I store up the emotions and then after a while something little sets me off and the flood gates open. This is never a pretty sight, but I do end up getting some relief in the end...despite the splitting headache. It seemed that all of the recent stresses of life sort of attacked me all at once: sick child, missing the other child, chaos at home, no personal time, lack of creative outlets, no time with friends and family due to possible contagion of illnesses, etc...you get the idea. Well, after a gigantic pity party and only a headache to show for all of my venting, I ended up going out with a couple of friends (whose households are finally healed from sickness). I went out completely drained and feeling sorry for myself, but returned feeling peaceful and thankful. God is so good to me. By the end of the evening (now early morning) I have seen the other side of those "stressers". I have had the most precious times lately with Ellie that I have had in all 8 of her years; I don't have the responsibility of caring for Ethan as well as Ellie all at the same time (which would probably kill me); the chaos in my home will soon give way to much needed space and organization due to the kindness of family members and friends; God knows that I don't need the responsibility or have the strength right now that goes along with most of my creative outlets; I am being daily taken care of by family and loved ones who sense my every mood and need; I have friends and family who love me even when I can't see them because of possible contagion factors; and most of all I have a husband who not only works tirelessly, but also fearlessly makes the tough decisions that protect our daughter and family - I don't know that I have ever respected him more than I do right now. (Although I made the decision a long time ago to respect him - as unto the Lord - whether he deserves it or not.)
Ok, I inteded this to be a quick update but as usual I have a lot to say...hmmmm. I decided a while back when I stated updating this blog that I would be open with you all even about the bad days. You have done so much for my family, and the only thing that I have to give is my heart. The only thing that I can do for you all is to be honest about how I really am. I continually bring it back to where I am at day to day because I cannot speak for anyone else. All I know is where my own heart is at. I do check with both John and Ellie when I share sensitive information about them, but for the most part you are seeing everything through my eyes...because I see through my eyes. I wish that I could tell you that I'm perfect and that I'm handling all of this upheaval like a saint, but I can assure you that's not the case! The one and only thing that I can tell you with certainty is that I am weak and broken, but I have a strong God who carries me through the times when I am unable to walk on my own.
Thank you for taking my family into your hearts...it is a blessing and and honor to have you all as a part of our lives - family, friends, and strangers alike!