A girl can change her mind, can't she?

I've changed my mind...today is actually the longest day! It has been intense. By the end of the day, we were waiting for Ellie's radiation appointment - yet again. She was burning up and I was just sitting there feeling sick to my stomach - every instinct in me was saying that something was very very wrong. When we came back to the room from radiation, we gave Ellie her daily injection (to make her white count come up) and the nurse did dressing change on Ellie's Broviac (the site was also infected). All of that was so traumatic. Meanwhile her blood pressure was going down. When there is persistent high fever along with low blood pressure, it can mean that she's getting septic. ["Sepsis is a condition in which your body is fighting a severe infection. If you become 'septic,' you will likely be in a state of low blood pressure termed 'shock.' This condition can develop either as a result of your body’s own defense system or from toxic substances made by the infecting agent (such as a bacteria, virus, or fungus)."] Then Ellie was taken off of fluids and the Broviac lines were closed up. They had to stay open all day in order for both lines to be flushed with a heavy duty antibiotic. All of the activity was stirring up the infection in the body, so Ellie's fever never really came down far. Once the lines were capped, some nurses came to start an IV in Ellie's arm. The poor thing had been through so much already - she was so upset, but she went through it like a trooper. Once fluid began going through the IV, her vitals were taken and the BP was up and temp was down! By then MY vitals probably needed taking! I've changed my mind... I'm not going to live through this...

Now her fever is back up. Apparently they aren't as worried about a fever when her counts are this low if Tylenol can bring it down and her BP is high enough. It's the combo of high, uncontrollable fever with low BP that is scary. She is not out of the woods yet. If she shows signs of being septic now that the Broviac is not in use, then they will take the line out completely. John is coming tomorrow morning. (His origional plans were to come on Tuesday of next week.) Things are just too up in the air - they can change so quickly... By tomorrow we should know which specific bacteria is involved in the infection. After 24 hours of not using the Broviac, they will culture it again, and then start it up to see if she can still use it.

The one up side of this hospital is that they have fabulous food! I love calling in an order because I get so tickled to hear the recording that says "Thank you for calling room service where we provide a fine bouquet (pronounced "boo-kay") of foods..." I thouroughly enjoyed my broiled atlantic salmon with mustard/ginger sauce and carrot soup. Yes, I am totally serious! Ok, so I've changed my mind again... I am going to make it through this - I've got room service... sigh. (Hmmm... what shall I pick from the bookay for breakfast?)