"Mom, what was bacon when it was real?" (pork) "What's pork." (a pig) "Oh" (continues happily eating his bacon)
"What was bread when it was real?"
"What was (you fill in the blank) when it was real?"
"See that star up there in the sky? That's Ellie."
"I plaused the movie."
"She's freakin' me out, Dad." (On seeing a woman at a lake in a bikini)
"I'm a baby cheetah today. No, I'm a timberwolf. Oh yeah, a bengal tiger. Um, no, a cheetah. Yeah, I'm a cheetah today. But not a baby one. I'm a medium one. And you can be the mommy cheetah." (This is usually delivered machine gun style first thing in the morning. Before my coffee kicks in. And this is the short version. You don't want to hear the long one, particularly before your coffee kicks in.)
"How come you're being so cranky, Mom?" (Ummm, this one needs no explaining. Refer to above statement...)
"I'm gonna shoot ya in yer dang eye. In yer dadgum eye." (direct quote from Night at the Museum)
"What does 'soon' mean?"
"Um, Mom, don't feel bad or anything. It's not that I want you to never go hiking with us, but I want you to stay home sometimes because I don't want a bear to come over to your side."
"Why are they wearing that?" (referring to the Olympic runners and gymnasts, and said in the same tone as his freakout over the bikini)
"What does 'fall short' mean?" (also referring to the Olympics)
"When Dad's at work, I'm going to go into hiberhation."
"I'm just enjoying the show!" (When watching someone other than himself get scolded)