We will always remember Ellie for her love for others, her creativity, sensitivity, and delight in life! Ellie's light has spread far and wide... may it continue to shine in our hearts.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Pearls and Saphires

I've been thinking... and thinking... and then thinking some more...

Today someone asked me how I was doing - how I was really doing. And some of the thinking of the past days began to form words that could be spoken and written.

We were out and about yesterday, and in our travels we once again visited a beautiful river and waterfall. I found a cool spot in the shade and laid down on my back while the beauty of the place washed over me. And I felt joy. What was even more significant was the fact that I experienced joy for most of the day. And the day before that. And even the day before that. When Ellie died, it felt as if those moments of joy were little pearls being strung together against the grey backdrop of sorrow. I wondered how long this would be so. And then the moments of joy became a day of joy here and there. What struck me as I lay under the solid outcropping of rock yesterday, was that now I feel as if the moments of sadness, and sometimes still days of sadness, have become glistening saphire tears... strung together against the backdrop of a peaceful kind of joy. This joy will never be that bright sunshine yellow kind of happiness I may have felt as a child who had such a bright life ahead to experience. My badkdrop is painted with many colors, both dark and light. But the overall picture speaks of joy, deep and abiding.


At 1:47 PM, Blogger sumi said...

Oh, Sarah. What a beautiful word picture. The most beautiful part is that I can relate. :-)

Thanks for writing this.

At 2:58 PM, Blogger Amy said...

Sarah, this is what I have been praying for. I didn't put it quite so beautifully but God always goes above and beyond.

At 6:33 PM, Blogger LindaSueBuhl said...

Beautiful word picture of your day to day well being -I've edited my remarks about 5 times now - trying to be poetic when all I need to say is thank you as always for sharing yourself so openly and as always giving the glory to God.

At 6:57 PM, Blogger Allison said...

You have such a way with words. The Lord has a way of moving others through you. I was just praying for you last night, I for some reason couldn't sleep. God Bless

At 1:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Spoken with the beauty and poise of the person the Lord made you. Thank you for your words...

The Haviland's

At 4:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had seen videos of your sweet Ellie in the past but had never found her site.. until today. I read through many many past entries of her fight against the beast. I smiled watching her dance and live life while also crying reading about her rough days. What an amazing, courageous and inspiring girl she will forever be! All of the nb fighters and angels are true heroes for the way they live life to the fullest each and every day they're given on this earth. Love and miss you Ellie!

At 4:23 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

HI. Im a new visitor to your page.
First- Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter.
She is so beautiful! She is heaven with my babe , little Joseph.

Second- I love you living room walls!! How incredibly beautiful!

At 4:00 AM, Blogger Robyn said...

Pure poetry....thank you.

At 8:16 PM, Anonymous Jen Johnson said...

I miss you! We made it through fair week and are still standing, well actually not me. I am flat on the couch from heat overdose. We went to the pool today and Tyler's white farmers tan is now more like a tomato. It looks slightly painful. We talked about pitching the tent in the yard tonight as it is 86 degrees in our house right now. Anyways, can't wait to see you!

At 1:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah, That was a beautiful post...and makes me so happy to hear that there are more moments of joy...evidence of God's infinite care and compassion for you.

I would have loved to see you at the fair but I ended up like Jen... not standing.
But in the hospital for 4 days with some dreadful allergic reaction on top of a really nasty chest cold...wondered if it was the sawdust in the pig barn or just plain overtired. Kristina is still sick but she survived the fair as well as she could with chills and fever and got a good price for her pig.

I thought of Ellie many times while I was getting poked and stuck. Ashamed of my little meltdowns while she endured so much for so long.

I am looking forward to getting together when this passes. We gals ought to go to lunch, huh? Talk soon, Sheri :)

At 3:53 PM, Blogger Julie said...

Sarah, That is so beautiful-so you! I love you.


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