My heart is "making noise"

I'm sorry for the lapse in posting. We are alive... I am feeling better and I guess I've just been busier than I was. Now that I'm feeling better physically, some of the emotions that I've put on the back burner are starting to surface. It's o.k., just a little overwhelming. I spent the first couple of weeks feeling mostly numb. Now the numbness is wearing off and I don't think I like it! You know the feeling you get when your foot falls asleep. That's not so bad until feeling returns - oh the pain! Sometimes it feels better to whack it a bit, but I might get some funny looks if I start beating my head against the wall. So for now I ride out the pain cycle and pray. (Rabbit trail: When Ellie was a toddler she woke up from a nap and realized that her hands were asleep. She had never experiened this before and I came in to find her staring at her hands in wonder. She looked up at me with wide eyes and said "Mommy, my hands are making noise.")

Ellie is doing o.k. Her counts are finally a little better, but not overly high. It is possible for her counts to struggle for some time after radiation, so it's no big surprise. Her appetite has lagged a little over the past couple of days, but so far her weight is a stable 45 pounds.

I just wanted to check in. I'll get back to you again... hopefully soon. Thanks so much for all of your sweet comments over this past week. We love you all.