We will always remember Ellie for her love for others, her creativity, sensitivity, and delight in life! Ellie's light has spread far and wide... may it continue to shine in our hearts.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving

The older I get, the more this holiday means to me. I've been pondering it of late...

The truth is, I am thankful. There are a good many things that I feel thankful for: a husband who loves me, a lively and adorable little son, nine happy years with Ellie, and more family and friends than one woman could ever deserve. There are also things that I don't feel thankful for in my heart, but I choose to give thanks for anyway. The "give" part is, after all, a verb. And so I give thanks to God for my heartaches in life. The losses of my dad and my daughter. The uncertainty of the future, both physically and financially. While this thankfulness does not come from a lighthearted, happy place, it does bring with it a deep and abiding peace. A peace that says that I have a God who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. A God who is good. A God who has promised that someday He will wipe every tear from our eyes.

The other truth is, I am sad. The closer the "holiday season" comes, and the colder the weather gets, the more I am bombarded by memories of Ellie. The memories are coming faster and clearer than ever before. Emotionally speaking, I like to put things in a box up on a high shelf. The kind of shelf that you have to climb onto a ladder to reach. When I am good and ready to, I will climb that ladder, take down the box and carefully look through the memories that it contains. Honestly, I have a number of such boxes. Some are covered in cobwebs from lying undisturbed for too many years. But there is this stubborn little box that keeps falling off the top shelf and hitting me in the head. Precious memories are scattered around the floor, demanding attention as I frantically try to stuff them back into the box.

Today I've decided not to put those memories back in the box. Today I will savor them and cry over them. Tomorrow I will make new ones, but today I look back and choose to feel the sadness and the joy. And I will choose to give thanks through the tears.

The song "Wintersong" by Sarah McLachlan fits John's and my mood today as we reminisce. (Click on Pop-out player)


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Thanksgiving, 2007

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Other highlights from around this time last year:

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"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior" Luke 1:46-47

11 Comments:

At 1:15 PM, Blogger Becky K. said...

So beautiful...your analogy about the boxes of memories is so true.

Thanks for posting these pictures.
I remember some of them...the snow angel really tugs my heartstrings.
I also love the one of you with your arms around Ellie as you ice the pastries. Sweet!

Becky K.

 
At 4:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crying here and so sad for you and your family. Losing someone is a grief that everyone of us has gone through or will go through and our hearts always have a hole in them. Thanks for the beautiful photos and memories, Sheri

PS..thinking and praying for you guys during this time as the one year anniversary approaches.

 
At 6:57 PM, Anonymous Jen Johnson said...

Sarah,
Crying with you tonight as I read this to Tyler. Just know that you are in our hearts as you go about your day tomorrow. We love you guys so much and will pray for you through out the next few difficult months.
On a lighter note.....I went hunting with Tyler today and we jumped a moose! I thought of John......he wouldn't have froze in his tracks like I did! Miss you guys and can't wait to do dinner.
Much loves~Jen

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger Tricia said...

Crying with you.
I still can't get over how dark her hair grew in>

 
At 7:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I want to say to you, John and Ethan is, "Thank you"! Our family prays for you many times through out the week

 
At 8:39 PM, Blogger LindaSueBuhl said...

I remember those pictures and that beautiful little pixie girl. Yep - those boxes we want to teach to stay put - don't. Blessed be the name of the Lord - even when we don't LIKE the plan we are part of it. Love to you each and all -

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger Alice said...

Thanks for sharing the sweet memories. We miss Ellie and are praying the Lord will continue to comfort you with His great love. The empty spaces in our hearts make more room for Him to fill with Himself!

Love in Christ,
Alice Corbett

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Amy said...

There are people crying bittersweet tears with you all over the world. Thank-you for sharing.

 
At 9:21 PM, Blogger sumi said...

I know. Looking at those memories can be so hard but so comforting at the same time. I'm glad you took the time to do it today/yesterday.

I loved the pictures! Thanks for sharing them.

 
At 9:23 PM, Blogger Allison said...

Sarah, I have really been praying for you guys alot this past week, as it will almost be a year with your precious little girl and your first Thanksgiving with her in Heaven. It is so crazy how the Lord has put you in my life and yet I have never met you, I think about your family often and I'll really be praying for you guys as December is approaching, In Christ Love- Allison

 
At 7:14 AM, Blogger The Morris Family said...

Hi Sarah,
The last of things I guess will always be imprinted upon our hearts, but the "firsts" are coming again...the first time we see Jesus and then the first time to see our little ones, whole, happy and the first time to hold them and the "forever" will start and never end!!!
Cindy

 

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