The great outdoors!

I just wanted to tell you that, aside from being mired in my own thoughts and feelings, I have actually been enjoying more of the outdoors than ever in my adult life. It's a wondrous thing! After spending about 20 years in the tropics, I'm finding the lack of humidity here to be a wonderful thing!

A couple weeks ago, my Grandma Lois and Uncle Mike (Dad's mom and brother) came from California for a visit. We enjoyed showing them around this beautiful area that we live in! We took them to Glacier National Park and up to the top of Big Mountain. We so appreciated the fact that they drove all the way here from California to spend the time with us!

On Tuesday, John, Ethan, Reni, Raymond (John's friend from work), my friend Jen, Jen's kids Bailey and Cody, and I all climbed to the top of Mount Aneas! Yikees. I guess it's not the biggest climb for those who do that sort of thing (John!) but for the rest of us it was a feat. I was exhausted for the rest of the day when we came down, and couldn't move at all the next day! But it was so worth it. It's a wonderful thing to look out from the top of a mountain and know that you just got there by your own sweat and energy. The only thing that marred the experience were the bugs! They were terrible. Thankfully, Reni and Loretta planned ahead and bought these little mosquito net hats. I used one almost the whole time! The mosquitoes and little black biting flies were all over us. Because of that, we didn't spend too much time sitting still. We got to the top, looked around and took off back down in pretty short order. Ethan walked the entire way up and down! I guess that wasn't as surprising as the fact that I walked the entire way up and down. Believe me, I would have taken anyone up on the offer to carry me! (Actually, Jen did offer at one point...) John had to carry my back pack most of the way up. All told, it was a worthwhile experience - except for the bugs! Next time I think we need to make the climb in the fall (notice I said "next time"). Then the bugs won't be so bad and Loretta can go - she had to stay home this time to look after the Burro.

The other thing that I have been into these days is growing flowers! Now I know that those of you who know me, are just snorting with skepticism because I have a black thumb. But I am determined! I have built a flower bed with my own two sore hands - rock by rock, and filled it by the wheelbarrow full of rich black earth. I then had to buy flowers to fill it. So with all of the work and money invested, I have great motivation! And I have Reni - the best plant growing teacher ever - to guide me. We talked and planned and researched and shopped. And came back with gorgeous flowers that should grow in my little planter. Unfortunately, some of them are yummy to the prolific deer that we have on property. So I bought some spray (that is non-toxic to deer or humans) but stinks - to the deer anyway. I woke up this morning and all my pretty flowers are still intact! Yay. They made it through the night without being eaten. I even bought some basil plants! Those are under a wire fence in the back yard. And I'm going to keep a couple of plants in the mud room. I'm just giddy with delight at my new found skill! Ok, so I guess I can't call it a skill after seeing the flowers through one night. I suppose I have to get them through a whole summer before I can claim it as a skill. Even so. I'm happy. It's a challenge. Now for the watering and weeding... I actually like weeding. It's the watering that I have trouble with.

God is Ever Faithful

Hi everyone! I am so sorry I haven't been updating much lately, and when I have, it's been with few words. I guess I'm just in a strange sort of place these days... It's hard to explain, really. But I will try.

I think that the feeling pendulum has been swinging from one direction to another rather drastically. I seem to go from feeling totally fine to completely undone - and then back again. It's confusing. And frustrating. And I'm back to the place where there are too many feelings and not enough words. Finally, God led me to a couple of websites of women who have lost children, and He has used them to speak to my heart in a most unexpected way. Our experiences of loss have been completely different, and yet in some ways totally the same. One woman lost her baby girl at birth and the other one lost her young daughter in a drowning accident. God has used their blogs to weave together their own precious stories with His living Word in a way that has touched me deeply. In this time of my life when my own words seem to fail me, God is giving me His own words, and the words of these other mothers to encourage my heart most profoundly. He has shown me that I can love and miss Ellie fully without living in self pity. That I can let Him use my suffering to take me to deeper places with Him. That I can't live in hiding from life forever. I have to admit that it's been a painful process. But God has been so faithful to work on my heart, piece by broken piece...

Thank you for your patience with me. For some reason it has been really hard for me to put my heart out there for all to see right now. The process these days has been, not only painful, but so personal... The last couple of posts have been just to put something out there to maybe give a clue as to my feelings. I will probably continue putting songs on that have either been an encouragement, or have been ones I've listened to over and over during my times of self-pity or sadness. (For those of you on facebook, I have a whole playlist full of these songs on my profile.) I do still want to include you all in my life and thoughts, and I just want to thank you for waiting and praying through these times of silence. Please keep praying.

Natalie grant held

Held

Held
words by: Christa Wells

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Looking Back

Been missing my girl these days...

I read back over most of the blog yesterday, and found these videos once again. I've watched them over and over. Just thought you all might enjoy re-living happier times.







Shine

There’s a place you can go
Where your heart is free
There’s a rhythm
That’s right for your soul

Take a breath, find your courage
And make the leap
Cause your feet always know where to go

And you dance and you dance in an endless flow
In the grace of a perfect design
Stepping out of the dark and into the glow
And the whole world will see when you shine
You can shine (shine)
Shine (shine)

There’s a beauty already inside of you
There’s a difference that only you’ll make
Every place that you spin brings you somewhere new
Finding hope every step that you take

And you dance and you dance in an endless flow
In the grace of a perfect design
Stepping out of the dark and into the glow
And the whole world will see when you shine
You can shine (shine)
Shine
(Shine)

Suddenly sparkling bright (shine)
Making a magical light (shine)
You will (shine)
Sisters are there by your side
Love will be your guide

And we dance and we dance in an endless flow
In the grace of a perfect design
Stepping out of the dark and into the glow
The whole world will see when we shine
We will shine (shine)
Shine (shine)

New Blog!

I just wanted to share a blog site with you all. My Grandpa Jim has a brand new blog! Grandpa Jim loves to share stories, and not just his own stories. He loves to hear everyone's memories and get people talking and sharing. He really has a heart for documenting these precious memories so that they can be passed down through time. He wants to use his blog to reach out and collect memories from as far and wide as he can. It's such a wonderful idea, that I wanted to let you all know about it. Please take the time to go and visit the blog. You will be able to read stories, share your own memories in the comments, and even email Grandpa Jim with your stories that he can post on the blog. Thank you so much for taking the time to do so... it would be such an encouragement to Grandpa Jim, and will perhaps uplift your own hearts as well!

www.sharingmemorieswithgrandpajim.blogspot.com (or click on the title of this post!)

Happy Fourth!

I'm so sorry that I haven't posted in so long! I wasn't really keeping track, and just got busy. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, and other times so much happens all at once and we get busy... then it all piles up on top of me and I get overwhelmed trying to remember all the things I was going to tell you. Anyway, we are doing ok. There are ups and downs, but mostly we've been just digging into life - working around the house, both on the inside and outside.



So... some of the highlights of the past few weeks:



Back when Andy and Kim were here, we had a snowstorm! Yes, this was June. And I'm not talking a snow flurry. I'm talking 6 full inches of snow that stuck. It was crazy! Only a few weeks later we were having temps in the 90's.

Here are some pictures that Reni took:
Ethan's cousin, Garrett. Doesn't it look like he's in a snow globe? Notice the green grass in the background... that was at the beginning of the day. It continued to snow for the rest of the day!


Ethan's cousin, Alex, throwing a snowball. (Alex was one of Ellie's very closest friends.)


This picture is the same view as the previous picture - but it was taken two days later. This was actually a double rainbow. We could see both the beginning and end of both rainbows. I've never seen anything like it. One side of the darkest rainbow was at one end of the lake, and it ended at the exact other side of the lake. And the second rainbow was directly over the first - each end at the tops of the trees. Just perfect!


John's aunt Kathy came for a little while. We had such a nice time with her! It was mostly low-key (no bear sightings) until one evening when Loretta, Reni, Kathy and I were watching TV together. Grandma and all the guys had long gone to bed, and Reni had decided called it a night. Just after she left the room, I let the dogs outside. Well, apparently a bat hitched a ride inside on the back of one of the dogs, or it flew in the open door. Now, if anyone had snuck a video camera into that room, they could have made some serious money on America's Funniest Home Videos! Reni probably wishes she had gone to bed much earlier, because we called her back in. The four of us spent the next hour and a half running around that room like crazy women. My one and only moment of bravery was early on when I went for the broom. It was all down hill from there. I swung the broom every time the bat came close (and by all accounts, let out a screech/yell with every swing. Now I don't remember this exactly, but I think that must be accurate because I just remember swinging the broom then panicking that I had just gotten the bat closer to myself than the door.) So there we were - flapping around in our P.J's and nightgowns, chasing the bat with pillows (and broom). We actually started to wear the bat out. He would get so tired, that he would stop up near the ceiling. Until one of us would spot him and start the chase all over again. We were yelling and screaming and huffing and puffing from all the effort. And there were the occasional moments when Kathy and I would double over laughing. Finally, someone smacked the bat down... then began the oh-my-goodness-it's-going-to-touch-me dance (by a certain broom wielding girl who shall remain nameless for the sake of her pride). One by one, each of the others had their moment of bravery. Loretta did an up close and personal search of a chair (that I was pointing at from a safe distance). Then Kathy did the unthinkable, in my book. She actually captured the bat in a plastic bag and ran it outside. I watched the three of them from the window, as they tried to let the bat go in the great outdoors. Unfortunately, his wing was injured beyond repair. So Reni took it upon herself to do the humane thing. I left my post at the window at that point! Well, that was the great bat escapade of 2008. Let's just hope it's the last!



I hope that you are all having a wonderful Fourth of July. Thank you to all of the men and women who are fighting (and have fought) for the many freedoms we enjoy! May we never forget their great sacrifices.